Onilne relationship advice for people looking for love.
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When to Hop in bed? That Is the Million Dollar Question! |
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Finding the right relationship can be difficult. It's especially tricky when your views on sex differ. Learn how sharing your personal views can lead to the perfect match.
When it comes to dating and relationships, there are plenty of exciting, nail biting, blush-inducing moments along the way to happily ever after. A first kiss, the first time you say I love you, the first time you tell your date that you don't believe in sex before marriage…all can be quite challenging.
For modern times, Yes some people date and end up in rolling in the hay various partners before settling down. But there are still plenty of people saving themselves for marriage. For most, a time comes in every dating relationship for the expected conversation about their decision to remain virtuous.
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The question is, when do you enter into this discussion? Is now the time or just sooner or later? And an even more important question is, is it possible to ruin a perfectly good relationship because you waited too long to share your intentions?
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Understandably, it's a difficult subject to broach but one that's necessary for a healthy and happy dating life and potential relationship future. The following are a few guidelines for opening the lines of communication
Find a comfortable level of emotional intimacy.
For most savvy singles, sex is not a first date topic to discuss while sipping coffee. In fact, it's probably not something you discuss until you have had a half dozen dates or so. Therefore, it's safe to say that the same goes for a conversation about not having sex.After all, considering that not every first date turns into a second one, what's the point of hanging your virtues out to dry for everyone to see and judge? Instead, put this conversation off until you get to know your date better and establish a comfortable level of emotional intimacy. You'll know if and when the time is right.
Find a comfortable level of emotional intimacy.
For most savvy singles, sex is not a first date topic to discuss while sipping coffee. In fact, it's probably not something you discuss until you have had a half dozen dates or so. Therefore, it's safe to say that the same goes for a conversation about not having sex. After all, considering that not every first date turns into a second one, what's the point of hanging your virtues out to dry for everyone to see and judge? Instead, put this conversation off until you get to know your date better and establish a comfortable level of emotional intimacy. You'll know if and when the time is right.
Be honest.
Once you've decided that the person you're dating could be the one, you’ll probably want to broach the topic. Don't be nervous. Rather than beat around the bush, confidently bring up the subject of sex and state your position.
Gently tell your date how much you have enjoyed getting to know them and how good you feel about the level of emotional intimacy you have established. Then, let them know that while your attraction for them is growing, it can only go so far because of your decision to abstain from sex until marriage. Be clear and direct and be patient for a response. Most likely, they will have questions. If and when you feel comfortable, answer them.
Hold true to your beliefs.
It's also possible the person you're dating may not share your desire to wait for sex until marriage. They may try to talk you into it. Don't give in! If this is something that's really important to you, be true to yourself and don’t give in to temtation. Don't let anyone belittle your life choices and value system because it's different from theirs. The truth is, if you can't accept and honor one another on the subject of sex, the relationship will ultimately not work. As painful as that could be, that's the reality of dating in the modern world.
Seek partners with a similar value system.
Dating is tricky. It becomes even trickier when sex is introduced and more specifically, when two people in a relationship don't agree about sex. The best way to avoid this is to seek out potential partners with a shared value system. For example, if your choice to remain chaste is based on spirituality, look for people who share your spiritual beliefs or religion. In this, your intimacy will grow and blossom without the issue of sex becoming an underlying source of tension or resentment.
Don’t be in a hurry.
Along the way, you may find that you change your mind about sex before marriage. You may fall in love with someone perfect for you, develop a level of intimacy that challenges your previous convictions and causes you to rethink
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your position on the subject. If that's the case, only you can know if and when the time is right to become intimate with your partner. Take your time. Don't rush it. Above all, never feel like you have to compromise your beliefs to keep your partner happy. If your partner truly cares about you, they will honor and respect your choice. If they don't, you may want to rethink your choice in partners and NOT your position on sex.
As tricky as dating and relationships can be, the key to being a successful single lies in remaining true to who you are at all times. Because sex can be a hot button relationship issue, it's important to communicate your expectations with your potential partner once emotional intimacy has been established. In doing so, you open the door to a more honest and fulfilling relationship. And in the end, that’s what we all want!
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