Relationship advice for people looking for love.
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Bad Habits to avoid on First Dates.
If you find yourself bombing out on first dates too often, try to avoid these bad habits that can derail a first date even before it gets going.
We can all remember this feeling, right? We’ve gotten home from a first date and thought, “Wow, I really messed that up.
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| I talked about all the wrong things at all the wrong times.” If you find yourself messing up first dates too often, try to avoid these habits that can derail a first date before it even gets going. |
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Don’t Hog the Conversation.
Talking too much is a big no-no when you’re trying to get to know someone. It’s an easy trap to fall into. Sometimes we’re so invested in selling ourselves that we go on way too far in an attempt to let the other person know how great we are. On the other hand, sometimes we do just the exact opposite, displaying our insecurities by constantly apologizing or complaining about our job or our family or other issues. And other times we simply get nervous and just say anything to add to the conversational void so it doesn’t appear that your not having a good time.
Whatever the reason you feel the need to monopolize the conversation, don’t do it. Instead of saying too much, focus on the moment at hand and be fully present with your date. You will have the most success if you ask questions, try to get to know the other person and don’t spend too much time mentioning everything about yourself that you want your date to know. If you can be the kind of person who listens to and shows interest in your date, then you’ll have a much better chance of getting to the next date with that person. This way you can gradually put forth your best qualities over time.
Don’t share too much.
At least not on the first date, vulnerability and candidness are the keys to a deepening connection between people. But when those people have just met, there’s such a thing as offering too much information. It can be a major turn-off if someone immediately begins opening up about his or her deepest fears, family problems, or psychological or emotional issues. Be especially careful about talking about past romantic relationships. One of the quickest ways to destroy a first date is to talk a lot about your ex partner.
This isn’t to say that deeper sharing shouldn’t happen early in a relationship, or even on a first date. By all means, if the conversation goes in that direction and you receive cues that your date is receptive and is inviting more openness from you, then be willing to divulge more. Sharing something meaningful that you have in common is great; purging your own issues is not. Without some clear signs that you’re both interested in letting the conversation go deeper, it’s best to remember that a little mystery is not a bad thing. (If you have to, just keep repeating this mantra to yourself: “It’s a date; it’s not therapy.”)
Don’t come off as someone you’re not.
Another thing many people do when we’re getting to know people is to try too hard to impress. Bragging is never going to win over another person, even if what you’re bragging about is true.
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Think about what’s going to happen if your date does like you and you two begin to get to know each other better. If you haven’t been honest about things from the beginning, the truth eventually finds its way out. So don’t get caught making claims you can’t back up once the person gets to know you better. Instead, be authentic. Again, you don’t have to over-share and expose all your dirty laundry right away. Just let the real you come out and trust that if things are meant to be between you and your date, it will happen.
Don’t Propose.
Of course you’re not going to literally propose marriage, but sometimes we can give the impression to other people that we’re thinking too much about the future and developing a serious relationship that you could create all sorts of fear in them. While it may be your ultimate goal to find your soul mate IE: someone to raise children with, leave this topic for another time down stream. Even if your with someone who is open to the idea of settling down might be scared off by a person who, during the first hour throws out the biological clock bomb for discussion.
Focus on the now. Be fully present during your time with your date and save tomorrow for tomorrow. Then, if the relationship moves forward and there’s a mutual connection between you, you’ll find just the right moment to start discussing a possible future that includes your being together.
Don’t Ignore Flags.
A successful first date depends on the ability to read social cues. This means that one of your top priorities on any first date is to look and listen carefully for signs being sent that are either consciously or unconsciously by your date. Verbal cues and nonverbal signals like facial expressions or body language can tip you off on everything from how much to talk, what to talk about or even if you should swoop in for the big kiss at the end of your date. Be guided by what you observe.
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