Relationship advice for people looking for love.
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Can a person be too Honest?
In a word: yes. Honesty may be best the policy, but that doesn't mean you should tell everyone everything. Here are a few things that should be told and a few that shouldn't.
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| Your mother may not agree, but when it comes to relationships it’s not always best to adhere to the “honesty is the best policy.” When learning about and cultivating interpersonal relationships, it’s good to be up-front about ourselves. |
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There is a need to reveal certain things about past relationships or what our expectations are in regard to moving forward with this person. But does this person your dating really need to know everything?
The short answer is no. In fact, there are certain scenarios where it behooves us withhold or to lie about the truth. Continue on to learn when and were it’s okay to hold your tongue or drop a white lie once in a while in case of emergency.
Lying about your Insecurities
It’s a sad fact that sometimes we are nicer to other people than we are to ourselves - Unless we practice keeping it in check, a disparaging inner feeling can eat away at our self-esteem until we feel like a insignificant. But If we verbalize the things we think about ourselves to our significant other, that person and the relationship could suffer.
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Lying to spare some ones Feelings.
For our second point we’ll need to refer to the first one. We’ve all been in a situation when we’ve needed to stroke someone’s ego because he or she was feeling insecure. If you happen to be the boyfriend in the previous example, it’s probably best not to confirm that your girlfriend does indeed have saddlebags. This is where the emergency lie comes in to play. “What saddlebags? Are you crazy!” is a good response.
It’s also okay to lie when someone is trying to do something nice for you and fails. Think of the situation when someone made you a cherry pie but didn’t know you can’t stand cherry pie. Or the time your significant other took you to see his favorite band - a band you didn’t really like. This is where your mom is right: it’s the thought that counts.
Keeping a friend’s Secrets.
This white lie falls under the “withholding information” kind of lie. This is a pretty simple rule that not many people think about: your friends’ secrets are not your own. So don’t go telling them to your significant other.
Before we find our soul mate, our friends are everything. Then we meet a partner who, among other things, becomes our best friend. In turn, that person gets to know all sorts of things about us and that’s when it should stop, but it rarely does. Telling your significant other that your best friend slept with X-number of people in college is not a good idea, it’s really in bad taste.
If you truly are a good friend, you wont reveal every skeleton in your friends’ closet. You may consider it as gossip because you’re confiding in someone you love, but it is.
Lying about Your Past
One of the biggest first-date blunders is honesty. That is, being too honest. Without realizing it or even out of nervousness, some people are too forthcoming right off the bat and this could be embarrassing for the person your with. Never mind conversation that touches upon religion, politics or death, it is too heavy for a first date.
If the first, second and third dates go well, you’re in good shape. But that still doesn’t mean that it’s time to tell your new companion all of your secrets. In fact, it’s never really time to tell your partner everything, especially about people you dated before him or her.
The rule of thumb is: give your partner the name, the amount of time you dated the person in question and maybe a reason why you broke up. And that’s it. Why even mention that your old girlfriend was a bombshell or that your ex-boyfriend was a professional athlete? Doing so may make you feel good, as if you’re proving something, but it’ll only make your new partner feel bad. Likewise, trashing the ex isn’t recommended either.
Remember, there is something very sexy about a person who remains a little mysterious, so leave a few secrets untold about your past. As long as your secrets are harmless, there’s no reason not to keep them secrets.
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